Writing helps me get through the pain

Writing helps me get through the pain

I usually write poetry when something is bothering me and making me feel down. Writing helps me get through the pain. Right after my husband and I got married, we planned to have a baby. I got pregnant right away and it was so exciting. I was one of those women who was already talking to my baby, before I even got through the first trimester. When I was nine weeks pregnant I had a miscarriage and it was so confusing and painful. To top it off, I endured several weeks of bleeding and months of struggles before we were able to get pregnant again. I felt hopeless and worried that it wasn’t meant to be. Eventually, I did have my first child, but had a second miscarriage before I had my second child. These experiences have shaped me and writing about them in poetry form only seemed natural to me.

Pink on a Stick

Happiness fills me
Rubbing my belly, whispering sweet nothings
I don’t know who you will be, but I want to see
Your heartbeats steady on a monitor
Elation fills me up,
I know you are growing inside me too
 
Red in my hand 
Fear overtakes me
Rubbing my belly, whispering the loss that I feel
I will never know you and see you grow
There is no heartbeat any more
Only a clawing pain that tears me up 
And rips you from inside me
 
Silence in my heart
Grief pours through me
Bent over in pain, groaning is all I can bear
I don’t know how to move on, it hasn’t even been that long
My heart chokes me as is beats in my chest
Alone without your comfort
 
Months of disappointment
Determination and desperation drive me
Struggling with what will happen next
I want to cling to a hope, but fear my own success
What if it isn’t meant to be?
 
Pink on a stick
Happiness follows with fear close behind
Rubbing my belly, whispering that you will stay inside
I don’t know who you will be, but I want to see
Your heart beats steady, mine can’t let go of the fear
Coming into the world
I know now, it was meant to be

By Sarah Gratton